Here is what we are up to!

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If you can’t tell what that is pictured above, it is our training schedule for the triathlon that we are going to do in October.  Adam, being a college swimmer and competitive swimmer his whole life, has this discipline thing down easy.  not so easy for me, but I have to say that i am doing good! 

we got Adam’s bike last weekend and it has been even more fun to have someone to ride along with you!  here are the pictures of our bikes, you can also see in the picture our temporary wall that STILL splits our house in two.  hopefully soon, we will have a TEARING DOWN THE WALL PARTY! 

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Adam’s bike                                                                                             My bike

Will keep you updated on our process!  AND I should have some new pictures of the house progress here soon!

On Love and Laughter

This past weekend, Adam and I attended a Marriage Conference at our church titled Love and Laughter, Marriage Getaway.  It was lead by the two authors Ted Cunningham and Gary Smalley.  We both really enjoyed it and I think we both learned a lot about how and why each other thinks the way we do!  Here is a recap of my notes:

What is fueling our feelings of disappointment, hurt, anger or resentment? Your spouse comes home – late again – why does this bother you?  You see, what has been discovered through the years is that couples do not fight because of in-laws, finances, communication, or children. Couples fight because of something far more significant. = FEAR

This is not the kind of fear that prevents you from turning off the lights in a room or walking down an empty street.  But relational fears like rejection, disconnection, being controlled, failure, invalidation, worthlessness, or unhappiness.


Once we can identify why we get upset then we can start changing the way we respond when our “buttons” get pushed (buttons like feeling devalued, unappreciated, worthless, etc.).

Couples are not miserable because of finances, kids, or in-laws. The reason couples become miserable is because of hot buttons.


Now is the part where we have to help each spouse identify his or her major hot buttons. This is not a complicated process and really involves simply learning how to ask the question, “So why does that bother you so much?” The more we ask that question the more you will encourage an individual to dig down deep to a hot button.

Everyone has a hot button that bothers them:

Rejection
Judgment
Control/Disconnection
Loneliness
Failure
Powerlessness
Being misunderstood
Being scorned
Being invalidated
Feeling defective
Inferiority
Worthlessness
Feeling devalued
Humiliation
Abandonment
Feeling unimportant
Feeling Ignored
Neglect
Condemnation
Feeling unwanted
Danger
Feeling disliked
Mistrust
Despair
Unhappiness


The important thing to remember is that we can not change their hot buttons. What we can change, however, is our reaction to a hot button getting pushed.

We want to connect, but we fear we are not attractive enough (or competent enough or smart enough or whatever). We want to be accepted, but we fear we are not good enough. We want respect, but we fear the other person will look down on you. We want to control our situation, but we fear we are powerless.

Can’t  you see how our fears actually reflect our wants? When you feel your wants won’t be fulfilled, you experience fear:

We can’t live without ________. So we fear ________ ( fill in the blanks)

Acceptance – Rejection
Grace – Judgment
Connection – Disconnection
Companionship – Loneliness
Success – Failure
Self-Determination – Powerlessness
Understanding – Being misunderstood
Love – Being scorned
Validation – Being invalidated
Competence – Feeling defective
Respect – Inferiority
Worth – Worthlessness
Honor – Feeling devalued
Dignity – Humiliation
Commitment – Abandonment
Significance – Feeling unimportant
Attention – Feeling ignored
Support – Neglect
Approval – Condemnation
Wanted – Feeling unwanted
Safety – Danger
Affection – Feeling disliked
Trust – Mistrust
Hope – Despair
Joy – Unhappiness

Even with this long list,  all of our deepest desires stem from our desires for connection and control. Our deepest fears, then, are the fear of losing connection and losing control. (how true is this!)

We need to begin listening  beyond the words down to the feelings. We generally feel more understood, cared for, and connected when the communication focuses on our emotions and feelings rather than merely on our words or thoughts.

HERE ARE MY FAVORITE POINTS:  EASY AND TO THE POINT

WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE BUT OURSElVES.  WE NEED TO LAY OFF TRYING TO CHANGE OUR SPOUSES.

MANAGE OUR EMOTIONS –> WE ARE IN CONTROL OF THEM

60% OF OUR THOUGHTS ARE NEGATIVE—> WE CAN CHANGE THIS, THOUGHTS ARE CONSIDERED UNSTABLE FOR 30 SECONDS

UNRESOLVED ANGER IS ALWAYS BURIED ALIVE AND IT WILL RESURFACE

HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE

THE WORD FINE IS DEFINED AS = FEELINGS INSIDE NOT EXPRESSED

I hope you enjoyed my little recap!  I will be posting soon on our new adventure!  We have started training for a triathlon!!  Until next time:)

Living out our “story”

I just finished reading Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. a-million-miles-in-a-thousand-years1

He is also the author of one of my all time favorite books, Blue Like Jazz.

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Reading his books really gets me to thinking.  This book was about living out your “story”.  He examines his very interesting life, which then of course leads you to examine your own!I thought I would share some of my thoughts and points that I took away from it.

“If I have a hope, it’s that God sat over the dark nothing and wrote you and me, specifically, into the story, and put us in with the sunset and the rainstorm as though to say, Enjoy your place in MY story.  The beauty of it means YOU MATTER, and you can create within it even as I have created you.”

(how beautiful and comforting is that!)

“The point of a story is the character arc, the change.”

(change happens everyday in our lives, good or bad change, we have to figure out our way of dealing with that change)

“People love to have lived a great story, but few people like the work it takes to make it happen.  But joy costs pain.”

“Fear isn’t only a guide to keep us safe; its also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life”

(holy cow, do I need to remember this EVERYDAY!)

“The ambitions we have will become the stories we live.  If we don’t want anything, we are living boring stories.”

“A story is based on what people think is important, so when we live a story, we are telling others around us what we think is important”

( SO true)

“When we look back on our lives, what we will remember are the crazy things we did, the times we worked harder to make a day stand out”

(he speaks about the time that he decided to join a group that was riding their bikes across the country to raise money to build fresh water wells in Africa,(he had NEVER ridden a bike other than for fun), he also speaks about the time that he felt the need to start a non-profit organization for mentoring young children from broken homes,(even though he had no clue where to start), and when he decided to climb Machu Picchu in Peru!)

“In Ecclesiastes, the only practical advice given about living a meaningful life is to find a job you like, enjoy your marriage, and obey God.” (in other words, Write a good story, take somebody with you and let him help!)

I know that this isn’t the typical blog post for me, but this book spoke to me.  It really got me thinking about my life and about the lives of my loved ones and friends.

Sometimes, life is completely NOT what you expect. I can't even tell you how many times I've witnessed this in so many different ways in the lives of those around me-- as well as my own in the past few years.   No matter how we plan and strive to stick to those plans, there is always something greater going on that we could ever have planned for or yet understand.

He knows what is best for us, even when it seems like He has snatched something good out of our lives. He loves us in all circumstances, no matter what they may be-- and He will always, always give us the grace that we need to deal with whatever He sends our way. It is ours when we choose to ask for it.

Everything... Everything... Happens for a reason. Sometimes this is really hard for me to believe but I think it makes you stronger, and you have to make the best of it. Look forward to the future, make the best of the present, and remember the past cannot be changed - but you can learn from it.

Life is what we make of it, and we are what life makes us. We cannot control most of it, but we can change parts of it by our choices.  WE choose each and everyday to either be happy, sad, mad or content.

One thing that I have been trying to remember, is to look at the big picture.
Life is a journey, and it is sometimes an incredibly bumpy and windy road that we travel. We don't know what is ahead or where our paths lie. But what a Guide we have. I don’t know that we can ask for than that.

I know this isn’t typical posting for me, but it is what I felt I needed to sit down and think about!


Catching up…..majorly!

I know, I know.  Really there is no excuse for my long absence except for the usual, “we work too much, we have been working on the house” excuse.  I have a ton of things to catch you up on and I have found a new program to post updates!  We will see how this works!

first and most importantly, i would like to introduce my new nephew!!!  aiden viala sharp, born feb. 6th and perfect might i add. 

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another new great announcement!  my sister, and momma of this new precious baby boy has just found out that she got accepted to the doctors of nursing program in Memphis, tn!  only 20 people in the country got chosen and she is one of them.  i am so proud of her for teaching her new baby the ways of life and now she will become a doctor!  I am so proud to be her big sister and can’t wait to get to see and hold the little man soon!

Now for the updates that so many people have been asking me about!  THE HOUSE!  We have made so much progress and hope to see it continue moving forward at a steady pace.  There truly isn’t enough time in the week to get it all done, but we are making due with what we have.  BEWARE, LOTS OF PICTURES AHEAD!

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Our closets currently

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The new lights in where the new kitchen will be!                                       

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Before the hardy board.

Some of the hardy up! (WHAT COLOR SHOULD WE PAINT IT?)100_3616    100_3620 100_3621

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Insulated walls!  I am SO ready for sheetrock!

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Our landing area after I ripped up the carpet.  No you are not mistaken…that is plywood that we are living on:)

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Adam’s amazing plumbing work.  He did it all himself(with some help from his bro)!

Might I add, that he REDID the WHOLE houses plumbing!

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New bathtub and where the closet will be with the sliding door.

There is so much progress.  If you think about it, we moved in this house May 5th or so last year, so we are coming up on a year and we have done so much!  That is the way that we have to think about it…..to keep sane of course. 

We CANNOT wait until summer comes and we have TONS of visitors.  We are hoping to have the bedrooms set up by that time!  More pictures and updates to come!